The three characteristics that every psychotherapist should have when relating to a patient are empathy, unconditional acceptance, and authenticity. Beyond the applied psychological techniques and the method that is followed, psychotherapy always implies a deep relationship with another person. This bond has a healing power in itself.
In fact, over the last few years, numerous studies have been carried out to evaluate the efficacy of the different psychotherapeutic approaches, and most of them have concluded that much of the healing power of psychotherapy lies in the link that the psychologist establishes with the patient.
This result is not surprising since psychotherapy is a process in which the psychotherapist accompanies the person along a path that leads them to resolve their conflicts and develop emotional autonomy. When a proper bond is not established, the person will feel insecure, and the psychotherapist (and therefore also the patient) will not be able to move forward in therapy. On the contrary, when a healthy bond is established that enhances security, the patient will feel accepted, trust the psychotherapist, and lower defensive barriers.
Beyond empathy: Attunement
People experience a natural need to relate to others because, through these interactions, we build ourselves, acquire specific skills and develop the image we have of ourselves. Through these relationships, we establish effective ties, but there are times when these ties do not satisfy us but instead generate feelings of discomfort and frustration. In these cases, the worse the quality of our relationships, the more we need affection, which plunges us into a very harmful vicious circle that can lead us to emotional dependence.
The bond established with the therapist breaks this vicious circle because it provides the amount of protection, trust, and security necessary for the person to develop their emotional autonomy. This link is consolidated in each session and is based on mutual trust. However, to achieve this type of relationship, the therapist must tune in with the person.
Attunement implies the existence of empathy, but it goes one step further. The ability to identify with the needs and feelings of the patient is not enough in psychotherapy; the psychotherapist or psychologist must be able to communicate that empathy, not only through words but also through non-verbal language. Only then does attunement take place, which is nothing more than the ability to fully unite with the patient for the duration of psychological therapy.
When the harmony is consolidated, the person can connect with some parts of himself that he considered missing or did not express for fear of rejection. Once the patient feels safe and fully trusts the psychotherapist, he eliminates defenses and manages to vent basic emotions and experiences for the healing process.
How do you create a healing bond between psychotherapist and patient?
Each person demands a different type of interaction, so the secret to establishing a relationship that leads to problem resolution lies in knowing how to adapt to the patient’s needs. However, in a general sense, the psychotherapist must be able to validate the person’s experiences, thoughts, and emotions, making him feel that he is entirely accepted.
The psychotherapist does not assume the role of the judge but must appear as an unconditional companion. When the person feels accepted, he begins to connect with the therapist and begins to take those desires, needs, and problems that he previously denied. At this point, the actual resolution of the conflict starts.
The psychologist or psychotherapist is not limited to being empathetic and in tune with the patient. Being someone outside the problem provides a more objective view. Therefore, the psychotherapist not only connects emotionally with the person but also maintains the necessary distance to be able to help them. He feels empathy and understands her emotions, but even so, he does not allow them to overwhelm him, so he can react more adaptively and indicate the most appropriate way to solve his problems.
Psychotherapy as a corrective emotional experience
Our affections and our emotional life are built through relationships with others. Our self-esteem is based on the esteem that the people we have associated have shown us and our security in the protection they have provided us. If we have had some deficit in our childhood in this sense, we probably carry those deficiencies as adults.
Psychotherapy is a second chance to establish a healthy bond with a reference person in our lives. Therefore, it is an opportunity to learn to value ourselves and feel safe in the world. Through the bond with our psychotherapist, we somehow heal the bonds that have not been adequately established in the past.
Therefore, the bond between psychotherapist and patient constitutes a corrective emotional experience, as proposed by Alexander, that is, “a way of being with the other” that is in itself emotionally restorative.
